Something That Scares Me
by geekcosima
Summary: What happens when Callie and Arizona are both in a car crash. Re-written 7x18. *Complete*


I had uploaded this story as a multi-chapter story, but thought there really wasn't enough words to do that.. So I just updated the first and there you go! :)

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Shonda Rhimes and ABC.**

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><p><em>They say lightning never strikes twice, but that is a myth. It doesn't happen often, lightening usually gets it right the first time. When you're hit with 30,000 amps of electricity you feel it. It can make you forget who you are. It can burn you, blind you, stop your heart. And cause massive internal injuries. But, for something that happens in only a millisecond, it can change your life forever.<em>

The music thumped around the two story Victorian house, the place was flooded with people dancing away the night, and drinking away. I walked over to the bar to get my drink, turning around I saw her walk through the door and felt my heart flutter with excitement. "You're staring again," I heard Mark's voice break my intense stare.

"Oh shut up," I looked at him and then took another drink. I needed to do it, tonight, while I still had the guts, or while I was still a little bit drunk. "I'm gonna do it," Mark looked down at me and scoffed.

"Your drunk," He ordered another drink and I saw Arizona start making her way over to us.

"That's why I'm going to do it," She smiled at us, and I returned it. Mark awkwardly walked off to go find Lexie and have his way with her in one of the rooms.

"Hey," Her chipper voice was so cute. I loved hearing it after a long day at work; it would always calm me down, and helped me through a tough time.

"Arizona," She looked up from her drink and smiled wanting to know what I was going to say. "I want you to move in with me, I want you to have more then just a drawer. I want you to have a whole dressing table and a whole, blow dryer or something more romantic then that."

Her face fell, I saw the happiness escape from her eyes, and I regretted ever saying anything. She grabbed my hand and walked us to the front door; I could tell she was crying by the way she kept moving her arm over her eyes every couple of seconds. We reached the car and silently got in, we drove in silence and I looked at the passing buildings, only to realise that we weren't anywhere near the apartment.

"Whe-" My voice was hoarse and I cleared my throat, "Where are we going?" She looked over to me and grabbed my knee then squeezed it a little. I decided to shut up for a while. She drove the car around the bend and then all I remember was darkness, the kind of darkness that consumes your brain and makes you cower in the corner, after that I felt nothing.

_The brain is the human body's most mysterious organ. It learns. It changes. It adapts. It tells us what we see, what we hear. It lets us feel love. I think it holds our soul. And no matter how much research we do, no one can really say how all that delicate grey matter inside our skull works. And, when it's hurt, when the human brain is traumatized, well, that's when it gets even more mysterious.__ Because when you can't move or speak that's when it gets harder to know things about it. That's when you need to start worrying about your life, that's when you need to start hoping that the darkness creeping up on you won't take you over._

Intense pain, that's what I woke up to, a numbing pain that coursed all through my body. I could hear the muffled screams of Arizona; she was trying to signal for help. My eyes were shut tight and it seemed like I would never be able to open them, I let out a groan of pain and my eyes seemed to flicker open. A pinching light was all I could see; when my eyes finally adjusted to the blinding light I looked around. Trees, bushes, the road, nothing else, my eyes flicked everywhere to try and find Arizona, but she was no where. Was I imagining her voice? No I surely wasn't, cause there it was again, and another voice, a man this time, he seemed to be helping her, trying to calm her down, I think.

"No I'm a doctor there, yes I need an ambulance right now," Her voice faded out again and I felt the darkness creep up on me, willing me to accept it and fall back into its embrace, a jolt of pain ran through my body, my scream was muffled by the blood I felt curling in the back of my throat. I don't know what happened after that, would I want to know?

_An hour, one hour, can change everything forever. An hour can save your life. An hour can change your life. Sometimes an hour is a gift we give ourselves. For some, an hour can mean almost nothing. For others, an hour makes all the difference in the world. But in the end, it's still just an hour. One of many. Many more to come. Sixty minutes. Thirty-six hundred seconds. That's it. Then it starts all over again. And who knows what the next hour might hold_

I can see everything, I saw my body being pumped, trying to keep myself alive. Arizona doesn't deserve this; she's been nothing but a support column for me, and a wonderful girlfriend. It doesn't seem fair that she has to deal with her girlfriend dying, am I dying? The flashing lights of the ambulance are so blinding that I blink to minimize the pain they bring. I know what I'm having, an outer body experience, I've heard a lot about these, sometimes if the person is strong enough they can some how contact the people around them. I don't know how much of that would actually happen, but I've never been in this position before so anything is possible.

Trauma bay 2, I was just in here yesterday tending to a girl who had dislocated her knee, it's so funny to be back in here, but as a patient not a doctor. I can hear everyone trying to talk over the machines that are starting up.

"Does she have a heartbeat?" Arizona's voice ripped over everyone else's; would I still be here if I didn't have a heartbeat? Would I be here if I was dead? She yells again and my heartbeat shows up on the monitor, it brings a smile to both of our faces. I bring my hand to her face and try to wipe the tears again, but my hand has no affect.

"Call and tell them to get OR 1 ready, now!" They start to wheel me out of the bay and to the elevators. I watch as Arizona walks out, she follows me and I follow her, the pain that is spread across her features is pure torture knowing that I'm causing it. She stops and watches as the elevator doors close, she looks around and then her eyes land back on the elevator.

"A-" She swallows her fear and doubt then tries again, "A truck came out of nowhere," A single tear ran down both our faces and I gathered all my strength then went to wipe it off, nothing again. Arizona raised her hand to her cheek and cupped it; she let a little smile come across her face and then ran off into the elevator as it opened.

_I thought I would be happy alone. I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don't have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. Although dying ends, this kind of love, it could go on forever, in both of our hearts._

_Beep. Beep. _The heart monitor sent chills through me; it brought all of this into perspective. It told me that all this was real, and I wasn't just having a nightmare, the pain on Arizona's face, on Marks, on everyone's was real, and the dull pain in my heart, that was real too. Was there a reason that the universe wanted to do this? Was it some kind of grand design, or was it a mistake? I looked away from the operating table and saw Arizona pacing the gallery, the tears were falling freely now she thought she was alone, but she should know she will never be alone, I'll always be with her. She stood and raised her hand to the glass. Her bloody blonde hair fell over her features nicely; her arms still had some dried up blood on them and dirt that had been collected from the road. She had a relatively deep gash on her forehead and if I was alive in this room I would have sent her straight off to get that stitched up and take a shower.

I mustered up the strength and stood up, walking over to stand behind her I smelt the strawberry conditioner in her hair, she was my everything, and I hurt her, in more ways then one. I brang my hand up to hers and slid it in between her fingers, a small smile fell over her features and for the first time this day she was okay, until I heard it. _Beep. Beeeep. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. _I heard the faint scream rise from her lungs and a tear stained my cheek, but several fell onto her cheeks. She stumbled back and sat on the chair letting her face fall into her hands, she was losing everything she had ever loved, and I was determined to stop this.

_Surgery is a high stakes game. But no matter how high the stakes, sooner or later, you're just going to have to go with your gut, and maybe just maybe that will take you were you want. But like I said surgery is a high stakes game, people die on our watch all the time, and sometimes we just have to sit back and watch them go. _

I looked around the OR, the continuous beeping was unsettling and everyone was just standing and staring at the screen, hoping for a miracle. Even I know those happen once in a lifetime, and I think I already used mine.

"Time of death, 12:58am," A muffled heart retching scream was heard from the OR gallery and I looked up to find Arizona sliding down the glass, tears falling all over the place. Mark exited the OR and appeared in the gallery soon after. Everyone was starting to leave, there was so many questions on my mind, but the biggest one, why am I still here? If I was really dead, wouldn't I have gone?

I walked over to my pale body and started to pump on my chest, I felt a weird pain settle over my heart, but I didn't stop, I felt my eyes burn and then become blurry, the tears I held at bay finally fell over the edge.

"No you don't get to die, because if you die, you're going to let her world fall apart and crumble down. She's going to fall into the same darkness I know you are facing; she's going to be so deep into that hole that no one is going to be able to save her. I saw how she looked at you today, the love, it's so strong, she holds more then a place for you in her heart, she holds her whole heart for you. So you don't get to die. Come on!"

I pumped again; just one last time then looked towards the monitor. All the strength I had gained seemed to fall away and I felt myself getting sucked into the darkness. Was this really how it was going to end? Was this really the last time I saw Arizona? _Beep. Beep. Beep. _My eyes shot back to the monitor to find my heartbeat was rising back up, a smile danced across my features, and the darkness fell away.

"She's back! She's coming back! Get everyone to scrub in, now!" I heard Derek shout and they quickly surrounded my body once again, I looked up to find Arizona getting to her feet. Her eye sight landed straight on mine, and for a second I swear she could see me.

_After a trauma, your body is at its most vulnerable. Response time is critical. So you're suddenly surrounded by people—doctors, nurses, specialists, technicians—surgery is a team sport. Everyone pushing for the finish line. Putting you back together again. But surgery is a trauma in and of itself, and once it's over, the real healing begins. It's called recovery. Recovery is not a team sport. It's a solitary distance run. It's long. It's exhausting. And it's lonely as hell._

I heard the muffled sound of Derek and Meredith as I came to. The beeping of the monitor was forming a headache in my brain, and I knew that this was how it's going to be for a good while. I was so afraid to open my eyes, what would I see? I know what I would see; tubes and wires, but something else frightened me.

"She's waking up,"

"Is she ready?"

"It's probably a little early, is she breathing over the tube?'

The question is still haunting me, should I open my eyes? My arms felt like metal and the pain that shot through me when I tried to move them was so intense I clenched my eyes in pain. I felt fabric moving over my eyes, they had been bandaged, why though?

"Callie, we're going to take out the tube now okay, you're going to feel a little pain,"

I felt like I was suffocating when they took out the tube, the feeling of something running through my throat made me want to vomit a little. I heard the footsteps as they were walking away, but I knew Arizona was by my bedside.

"Oh Calliope," I heard her sniffle and summoned some strength to reach out my hand and grab hers, this simple action made her let loose, and the tears flowed freely.

"Ar-" I cleared my throat, hoping that I would be able to talk properly. "Arizona," I heard a shuffle and the next thing I know her lips were on mine, I felt the hot tears on my cheeks. She was shaking, was she scared to be to close to me?

"Don't try and talk, it's okay, it's going to be fine now,"

What had happened that could have made her this way; in all the years I've known Arizona nothing ever got her this shaken up. What happened after we hit that truck?

_The length of your recovery is determined by the extent of your injuries. And it's not always successful. No matter how hard we work at it. Some wounds might never fully heal. You might have to adjust to a whole new way of living. Things may have changed too radically to ever go back to what they were. You might not even recognize yourself. It's like you haven't recovered anything at all. You're a whole new person with a whole new life._

Arizona had sat beside my bed for a good week now. I had been getting better, but I knew there was still a long way to go until I was allowed out. For the past week I still had those bandages on, and no one had told me why.

Finally someone did.

"Callie we need to discuss some things," I clasped Arizona's hand and she squeezed it tightly. Not relying on my eyes had allowed my other senses to become more powerful; I heard her slight sniffle and the shuffling of Meredith's feet. Whatever he wanted to tell me wasn't going to be good.

Derek cleared his throat then continued "In the surgery, we had to make a lot of major decisions. Your eyes had sustained quite a lot of damage. Some very small glass fragments had lodged themselves in the ba-"

"I'm blind?" I was hoping to God that he would say no. Please let him say no. I don't think I could handle being blind. I couldn't.

"Yes, you are. I'm so sorry Callie; we did everything we could, but th-"

"There was too much damage? Yeah that's what always happens in surgery," I knew I shouldn't be angry, but I just, I'm just going to lose so much. I felt Arizona squeeze my hand, would that be enough to get me through this?

"Can I just be alone?" I couldn't deal with all this. Their sympathy, which felt like fake sympathy, I just need to breathe without them looking down at me like I'm a damaged person. I heard Arizona's light footsteps leaving the room.

"No stay, please," Arizona sat back down in the chair and took my hand. She offered comforting words but I couldn't hear any of it, my mind was blank, I was trying to digest all of this. What happens now? Do I just smile and wave to people, and pretend like I'm dealing with not being able to see? Then it struck me, I'm never going to see Arizona's blonde hair again, I'm never going to see those killer eyes, and beautiful dimples. My entire way of life had been smashed in those few minutes. How would I adapt? How would I live my life like this now?

_We've all heard the saying. It's one of those things you learn in seventh grade science class. Adapt or die. Adapting isn't easy though. You have to fight your competition and off their attacks. So, we fight like hell to adapt. And sometimes, you have to kill. You do what you need to do to survive._

"You need to get up. Come on," Arizona's happy voice awoke me from my beautiful dream. But I didn't feel like getting up today. I didn't feel like being blind today, so I kept my eyes shut and threw my hand in the air, motioning for her to go away.

"Calliope, please,"

"Arizona just leave me alone. I can't deal with that personal trainer today," I pulled the covers up over my shoulder and resumed my dream, or what was left of it, I just needed my girlfriend to go away. I needed her to understand that I couldn't deal with that guy and his stupid 'It'll be fine' routine.

"Calliope, we are only trying to help you. There are going to be a lot of changes in your life now, and we just want,"

"You just want to help, I get it but don't you see the bigger picture, Arizona?" I sat up now and crossed my legs under the blankets, the darkness was unsettling. I still managed to get up on some days and eat my food, shower, walk around, and all the normal stuff a normal person would do, but in my life I can't see everything, I don't know if I'm going to crash into a gurney in the middle of the hallway or if I'm going to walk into the wrong room. Sure I have my cane, but I'm new at this, new at being blind. For God's sake I'm a newborn blind.

"What's the bigger picture Calliope?" There was a moment of silence where I fiddled with my nails; I always did this when I was nervous, I'm pretty sure my Daddy said I carried the habit from my childhood. Apparently I would never leave my nails alone when I got in trouble, or when I was nervous about something, or when I was sad.

"Have you ever seen a blind doctor?"

The question hung in the air. Did she even know what to say? I know I'm probably being a right bitch to her, but I've lost everything now. The job I loved so much was gone, and so was my eyesight.

"No Calliope, I haven't. But I know you, and you're going to bounce back from this, you just have to adapt to a new way of living and yes that's scary, but I'm going to be here with you every step of the way,"

Before I got to say a heart felt 'thank you' I heard the personal trainer walking into the room, obviously he was watching us from afar waiting for Arizona to coach me out of bed. So I sucked down the feeling of despair and got out of bed. I guess I haven't lost everything, Arizona would always be there for me, so I have to adapt for her. I have to fight like hell to overcome this obstacle before I throw my life away.

_The goal of any surgery is total recovery - to come out better than you were before. Some patients heal quickly and feel immediate relief. For others the healing happens gradually, and it's not until months or even years later that you realize you don't hurt anymore. So the challenge after any surgery is to be patient. But if you can make it through the first weeks and months, if you believe that healing is possible, then you can get your life back. But that's a big if._

_Day 11. Day 23. Day 43. Day 51. Day 87. _

It's been so long since the accident. Arizona's gash on her forehead had healed, only leaving a little scar. The doctors here, my friends, everyone, had helped me so much through this accident, and I think without them I would still be in the dark place I was a while ago.

"You ready?"

"Yeah, I'm good,"

Arizona put the bag in my hand and I swung it onto my shoulder. I searched around for the cane that had been lying on my bed, and finally grasped it with my hand.

We walked out of the room, my cane searching on the ground finding a safe way to exit the car without bumping into too many people. But it didn't last long.

Kepner ran around the corner, and I landed on the hospital floor with a thud. The pain originated at my bottom and then moved back up through my body. The scar that I had on my chest seemed like it was on fire, squinting my eyes in pain, I heard someone's feet shuffle.

Arizona quickly helped me up, but I pushed her away. I wasn't that damage that I couldn't get up on my own.

"Oh my gosh, Dr. Torres, I'm so sorry," Her voice was sincere. I held up my hand and shook my head.

"It's fine April, really fine. Where are you going in a rush anyway?" I asked the red head, I always liked April, she was perky, but I think if I've dealt with Arizona's 'perkiness' I can deal with April's.

"Teddy needed more blood, so she demanded I go get it and hurry the process up," I wondered why April was standing here talking to us then, if a patient was dying I wouldn't have stopped to chat.

"Well then go April, do you want Teddy's patient to die?" I heard the shuffling off joggers, and she was off. She yelled an 'I'm sorry' as she ran down the hospital hallway.

"Well that was eventful," Arizona laughed, and I let a small smile crack on my face. I fiddled around and got everything back on my shoulder. A few nurses wished me good luck with everything, and I nodded with my fake happiness plastered over my face.

As I walked into the elevator I let my head hang in defeat. I finally realized my doctor life was over, and now I had to think of something else I was going to be happy to do. Arizona must have noticed this and I felt a small nimble hand on my shoulder. I sighed and felt a few tears spill out over my eyes but hid them quickly.

The ding brought my fake happiness to my face again and we exited the elevator. I heard the shuffling of everything, phones ringing at nurse's stations, people asking to see other patients in the hospital and I knew I was going to miss the buzz of this place.

"Blondie," Mark's deep voice actually brought a real smile to my face, and Arizona grabbed my hand while leading us over to him.

"Derek, Mark," Arizona greeted them.

"Dr. Torres, how are you doing?" I shuddered when he said that. Didn't he know that I'm not a doctor anymore that I'll never be a doctor again? Some of the anger welled up in me, but I smiled, Derek had done way too much for me to be angry at him.

"I'm fine Derek, how are you and Meredith? I heard something about adopting one of the African kids," It was true, nurse's talk, a lot, all the time, even when attending to a patient. They just talk. I would be happy if this rumor is true, Derek and Meredith have been through so much, and I think that something like this would be really good for them.

"Yes, it's true, we filled out all of the forms and now we are just waiting for an answer," I'm sure I would hear everything from Christina, but it was nice hearing it from Derek first hand.

"Well congratulations," Arizona said, and I'm sure she meant from both of us.

We talked about nonsense for a while. About peoples surgeries, and how everyone was going to miss me. Apparently I was the only resident in Orthopedics so now I've caused some trouble for Derek trying to find another doctor that could come in and work.

"Mark don't you have a surgery to get to?" Derek asked him. I laughed at that, Mark would always be in the scrub room 3 minutes before we have to start the surgery.

"I wanted to wish Torres good luck, cut me some slack," He enveloped me in a hug, and I leaned in.

"Call me if you need anything, okay?"

I nodded. Although I wouldn't, I didn't want the sympathy from everyone, I am a big girl. I'll adapt to this new way of living. It's not like I'm going to let it all fall apart again.

We all talk for what seemed like hours, Mark had left early to go to his surgery, and Derek then left a while later complaining of having to do paper work. We made our way to the sliding glass doors, I heard them move on the little wheels, opening so we could walk through them and leave the hospital.

I stopped and turned around. I need to just take in what I remember being there. Would this really be the last time I walk through those doors? Will I never be able to operate again? Probably not, I felt Arizona's soft hands on my shoulders and I leant into her embrace.

"You okay?" I nodded, I wasn't really, but she's done so much for me, that I'll just smile and wave if I have too. I turn around in her arms and she captures my lips in a passionate slow kiss, we weren't fighting for dominance, it wasn't trying to be sexy, she was just telling me that she's there. That she'll always be there.

"Lets go home Arizona," She took my hand in hers and she walked me to her car. I didn't really mind anymore. I didn't mind not walking through the halls so much, as long as I have Arizona. The main thing in my life is Arizona, it's always been her. I think that it always will be, I think I finally found the right person in this life.

My soulmate.

_When we say things like "people don't change" it drives scientist crazy because change is literally the only constant in all of science. Energy. Matter. It's always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It's the way people try not to change that's unnatural. The way we cling to what things were instead of letting things be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change that's up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment, we can be born all over again._

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><p>So the ending was a little rushed, but that's okay.. I still think I did good with it! :)<br>Thankyou all for reading my little idea that popped into my head a while ago! I'll bid you people fairwell and happy reading!

**Oh don't forget to review if you've got the time! :)**


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